Samstag, 29. April 2006

...

http://www.isnichwahr.de/redirect1121.html

Dienstag, 18. April 2006

Das "who ist Hu" im Weißen Haus

Vor kurzem ist in Peking der 59-jährige Hu Jintao zum Generalsekretär der Kommunistischen Partei Chinas gewählt worden. Hu übernahm damit gleichzeitig von Jiang Zemin das Amt des chinesischen Staatschefs. In Washington machte sich die US-Sicherheitsberaterin Condoleezza Rice pflichtbewusst auf, ihren Chef, George W. Bush, über die Neuerung ins Bild zu setzen. Der erfolgreiche amerikanische Theaterautor James Sherman hörte bei der entsprechenden Szene im Präsidentenbüro des Weißen Hauses mit.

George: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
George: Great. Tell me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
George: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you, sir.
George: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes!
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya askins me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: WeIl, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes!
George: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you mention it. I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. May be we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?
Condi: Sir, Kofi on the phone.
George: Then have it cleaned.
Condi: I mean he will now talk to you.
George: Who will?
Condi: No, not Hu, you asked for Kofi.
George: Yes, with cream and two sugars.
Condi: Forget coffee for a minute, all right?
George: Come on, Condi, you started this. I wanted a simple glass of milk but you insisted on coffee. Now get me that coffee.
Condi: He's still waiting for you on the phone, sir.
George: Who?
Condi: No, not Hu, Hu's the new man in China.
George: You're confusing me! Okay, one last chance: Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir!
George: So, damn!, I really thought he's in the Middle East.
Condi: Saddam is, but Hu's in China.
George: Saddam is what?
Condi: In the Middle East.
George: So what has he got to do with China?
Condi: Nothing. You brought him up.
George: I did not.
Condi: Yes you did, but never mind. Do you wanna have Kofi on the phone now or not?
George: Certainly not when I'm about to talk to the Secretary General of the U.N.
Condi: But, sir, he is the Secretary General of the U.N.
George: What, one the phone now? Why didn't you tell me before? Get me that phone.
Condi: Sorry, sir. He hung up.
Condi: Okay, boss, I guess I have to spell it out for you: it's H-U.
George: What? The new leader in China is a jew?
Condi: No, sir, not a jew, H-U!
George: Are you makin' fun of me now? Not a jew but a jew?
Condi: Yes, sir. H-U.
George: Oh, no, not again. Yassir is in the Middle East, and he's no jew, I'm told.
Condi: No, sir, he's not, and neither is Hu.
George: Who? Well, Saddam isn't, I guess. But Ariel is, right?
Condi: A real what is right, sir?
George: Ariel, uhm, the Israeli guy. He's a jew , isn't he?
Condi: Sharon, you mean? Yes, sir , he's a jew.
George: No, he is not.
Condi: Yes. He is.
George: No, listen, I'm telling you, Yassir's no jew.
Condi: I know that, sir! He's an Arab, a Palestinian.
George: Finally you agree! Thank you so much. And neither is he in China, right?
Condi: That's correct, sir, but Hu's there, do you get it? H-U!
George: Well, if it's a jew, then, I guess, it could be Ariel. But I don't think so.
Condi: No, sir, it's not a jew. But it could be a real what, sir?
George: Not what, but who? You mentioned him before.
Condi: Yes, I did. It's all I'm talking about. He's the new leader of China.
George: Aidid? I know that name. Give me a. hint. Wasn't he in Africa?
Condi: General Aidid of, uhm, Senegal, no, Somalia, you mean? Yes, he was. But...
George: And now he's in China?
Condi: Well, I don't know, sir. Why do you think he is?
George: You just said so. Aidid, you said, is the new leader of China.
Condi: No, no, you got me wrong there.
George: So, back to business, who's the new guy in Peking?
Condi: That's right.
George: I mean, who is?
Condi: Hu is. H-U, do you understand?
George: I'm not interested in jews right now, okay?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And neither am I interested in Ariel, Saddam, Yassir, and the rest of the Arab world.
Condi: Now, that's a little harsh! With all due respect, sir. Don't you think so?
George: Harsh? What?
Condi: You said: "Damn Yassir and the rest of the Arab World."
George: Watch you'r language, Condi! Are you nuts or what?
Condi: But sir...
George: I think you need some rest. Have a little nap, and let me run the world.

Donnerstag, 6. April 2006

mh, was soll man dazu sagen...?

http://clip.break.com/dnet/media/content/roommategay.wmv" >
As seen on Break.com">

Dienstag, 28. März 2006

...

">

Freitag, 24. März 2006

...

der ultimativer treue test

...

">

Mittwoch, 22. März 2006

...

hallo hab gerade folgendes Video im netz gefunden

/>

und ich muss sagen, das ist masslos übertrieben. ich wohne selber in köln und bin eine zeitlang sogar in ossendorf zur schule gegangen. ja, es gibt diese probleme, und sie werden schlimmer, aber diese banner im video sind echt unglaublich. alles auf die musik zu schieben gleicht, symptome mit symptome auszumerzen. das ist völliger bullshit. wie wäre es stattdessen mit einem neuem bildungssystem oder neuen, sinvollen freizeitbeschäftigungen für diese armen geschöpfe. denn das sind sie. arme geschöpfe ohne chancen auf bildung, ohne zukunft!!

Montag, 20. Februar 2006

...

nä, wat intressiert mich das, die dummen römer..

Donnerstag, 16. Februar 2006

Tech Support:

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...
===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?
===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!
===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...
===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?
===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.
===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.
===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
===============

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

Wir bleiben immer jung

Haben Sie sich auch schon einmal dabei erwischt, als Sie nach anderen in Ihrem Alter geschaut haben und gedacht haben "So alt kann ich nicht aussehen"?
Dann wird Ihnen diese kurze Geschichte gefallen. Als ich zum ersten Termin im Wartezimmer eines neuen Zahnarztes saß, sah ich eine seiner Urkunden, die seinen vollständigen Namen trug. Plötzlich erinnerte ich mich, dass ein schlanker, fleißiger Junge mit dem gleichen Namen im Gymnasium in meiner Klasse war, vor gut 30 Jahren. Als ich den Arzt dann jedoch sah, verwarf ich sofort jeden diesbezüglichen Gedanken. Dieser glatzköpfige, weißhaarige Mann mit den tiefen Falten im Gesicht war viel zu alt, um in meiner Klasse gewesen zu sein.
Nachdem er meine Zähne untersucht hatte, fragte ich ihn dann doch, ob er das örtliche Gymnasium besucht hätte.
"Ja," antwortete er.
"Wann haben Sie Ihr Abi gemacht?"
"1972, Warum?"
"Sie waren in meiner Klasse," antwortete ich.
Er betrachtete mich ganz aufmerksam aus der Nähe und fragte dann:
"Was haben Sie unterrichtet?"

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Das "who ist Hu" im Weißen...
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mh, was soll man dazu...
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